by the way i tried to say id be there waiting for

so another week has gone by. Where does the time go I have no clue. Its been an interesting week to say the least. So I hung out with cameron (my ex) Tuesday and last night, friday. I really didn't want anything to happen or expected them to. But yeah, were not going out were not really seeing eachother and i dont know if you could consider it but close to casual dating. I made out with him. its kind of wierd. We both have this understanding we dont want these big serious relationships. It dosn't feel right though. It seems like we both want more but for some reason are scared of it. I told cameron last night about all the little problems that i felt he should. And yeah i'm such a baby but i started crying. Its so hard to spill your guts right out in front of some one you've known for so long. You think because i've known him for so long that he would know everything there is to know about me but obviously there isnt. I don't knwo if id want to be in a relationship with him. I feel really guilty though cuz i havn't said anything to the other cameron at all about him.

Now for the other cameron. I talk to him every day but he lives in macomb, 4 hours away. I really like him, he is such a gigantic sweet heart. Its really easy to talk to him, but i really dont want another long distance relationship. Distance dosn't work when its there in the begining. I've told him everything that scares me to tell anyone else. All the stuff i'm to chicken shit to tell kevin, i've told cameron. I still like kevin but i think were both at different stages in are life. And I think there is differences in the personality such as i need someone who in general is a dominating person and a submissive person when it comes to the more personal things. He dosnt do much for taking charge iand being like hey lets do this. I need some one whos a better decision maker then myself cuz im so indecisive about stuff.

This week has been non stop work really other wise. Well i'll back up, LOL. Sunday i went with my family to magic waters and became completely sunburnt. So i spent all day monday being completely dehydrated and feeling like shit. I went out to eat and to the mall with my mom and sisters. And yeah despite how awsome of cloths i found i still felt really natious. I felt better once i got home and laid down with some water. All week though ive been feeling kind of funky. I've worked so much this week i feel so happy its over. Even though the next one is soon to begin. It feels wierd kissing cameron and everything. I feel so lost, and not to mention confused about the whole situation. I really do like being in a relationship cuz i just like having some one to kiss and hug and hold. But i really dont think id have time for some one who lives far away.

I just hope things will clear up and i will have more of a sense of what i should feel.